based21

Imagine you have a choice between having 2 super powers: 1. whatever you want, materializes 2. you control your desires

With the 1st, as soon as you want something material, like buying a car, or a house, whatever good in the material realm you want, you would have the means to possess it.

Whereas with the 2nd, you have full control on what you desire. Using the material examples above, if you see a nice car and you want it, you can just as easy, decide not to want it, so you stop wanting it.

If you choose the 1st, you'll be a slave to whatever your desire is. As soon as you get something, that will stop being special and you'll want something else. There's no end to that and you live in a constant state of trying to satisfy your desires. You become a slave to them and it becomes a curse – If the material thing you want are so easy to get they stop having any value. If they don't have value why want them? Maybe for status, relationships, experiences, loved, admiration. Those will all mostly qualities that are outside of the material realm.

If you choose the 2nd, you don't have any material needs, you'll be picky regarding what you want, because you'll have to fight for it and it has to be worthwhile. The same way you'll be assigning greater worth to the immaterial things, such as love, friendship, justice, etc. Even more so if you know that a person such as the one that has chosen the 1st super power is out there. Then you think why would you want to go through struggle and pain and sacrifice in order to acquire something that someone else can have it as easy as snapping the fingers?

The conclusion is both will reach the same outcome. Stop assigning much value to material goods when compared to immaterial ones.

I compare myself to others and others to me. This a my instinctive way to assess my self-worth. I say it's instinctive because I assume it may not be a good way to live. But the reality is, it fuels me. Somehow depending on the situation. If I see others as less valuable or inferior in a way that I consider myself “better”, I don't admit having them having power over me, or living a life that I consider better in my eyes over me. That creates some silent rage in my behind and makes me want to do things to counter balance.

Example: I know some people I know are having fun (in their own terms, drinking and fooling around), whilst I know that I've they see what I'm doing (or even I for that matter), they'd thought, what a loser!

That is all processed in my mind – I know that's not reality but the thought creates in me something, some fire. I immediately counter by thinking “ok, while you're are there fooling around, I'll double down and go and do something productive”, like learn something or build something toward a situation that would make their current “enjoying life” pale in comparison to what my choice made me get.

This at the same time puts even more pressure on me. I cannot fail, because If I do, I'm a loser twice. Not only I lost the moment of supposed “enjoyment”, but also, I lost it for nothing to show for.

So now, just the fact that I think I'm at the moment worse off compared to other people (that I think are less valuable people) puts pressure on me to not only do things but also not to fail – I cannot fail.

Is it then good to have this comparison obsession? Well, if it fuels me, I can at least take something positive out of it.

I think if this is somehow instinctive, I can at the very least be mindful about it and use it as a tool! Like everything is a tool – not necessarily good nor bad.

Fuel is nothing but potential energy. Unless it burns into actual action, it's just lying there with limited time-span. That is to say, the fuel that got generated will wear out if not burned, if not used. Like an open perfume will evaporate it's essence into the ether.

Often ideas and thoughts cross my mind but fade away. And they fade not because I don’t find them important, but because I don’t take (or take little) action on them. Things that usually prevent me from taking action are:

  1. Me letting perfect be the enemy of the good.
  2. Me not dissecting the steps and stages to go through in order to accomplish or take action towards whatever I think I’d want to achieve
  3. Me diluting my energy on accessory things, filling idle times with side micro objectives (that I also find somehow cool or important) but are probably more procrastinating than anything else.
  4. Me lacking some frame or structure on how I spend my time and energy.

Last Sunday when walking on the beach, I looked far away to the horizon and saw a building when when I thought:

I’m walking towards that building but each step I take is as if I’ve taken none because I see no difference whatsoever that each step actually made me closer to it. I know, however, that if I keep on walking, overtime I look and clearly see that I’m closer and closer to it. I thought this was a very good analogy for the things I think I want to have or do or experience. They are usually those building far far away, and taking action are the steps towards it. As time passes, and many steps were given, I still don’t see I’m close to it and it’s probably when I drift off, forgetting the goal and diverging on another direction, which will lead me nowhere if I keep on following the same pattern.

What’s lacking here is, unlike when walking towards the building, in life situation I lack the “Knowing” that each step will take me to it if I just keep on walking towards it. It may take time, but it’ll get me there. Also once there, I will see other buildings, which are other possibilities I could not have had if I didn’t get to that first one.

I know that long time preference and consistency are the ingredients towards great things. Also, the possibility of failure is only there where when I’m actually taking a chance towards something. So If I don’t want to fail, the solution is not to have a goal, right? Wrong! Having the goal of not failing is probably the worse failure someone can aim towards. Taking action onto some endeavor will always have the possibility of failure lurking on the side. Also there’s the fear of the unknown. The unknown that happens once I reach said goal. The unconscious feeling taking actions towards a goal can end up in failure or an unknown which it outside of my control and therefore scares me.

I know all this, and that’s why I’ve decided to, first, write it so I don’t forget it, and second, do something about it.

First is, focus on consistency. Every big thing is made of little things. The big thing may be scary, but it can be divided in not scary little ones that staked on top of each other will make reaching the first though to be unattainable big thing. This will take: Time,Energy, Decision. I’ll need to let go of things where I’m spending my time for the sake of my high time preference tendency, for things that are aligned with me. Resting is a big part of it and it’s easy to get wrong, because I can be deceived that I’m resting when in fact I just spending/wasting time and energy on other side activities that just don’t stress me or trigger some dopamine reaction – but guess what – those are also time and energy sinks. They are not real Resting. They are deceivers! Knowing this is key. So as it is key to also plan relaxing times wisely. Relax should allow growth, solidifying knowledge and give boosts of energy. It’s better to be bored on purpose or meditating or sleeping or just walking, or going to gym and make a light workout, or journalism, than to mindlessly binge on scrolling through social media or watching new or youtube videos, even if I think I’m optimizing resting time. Those may actually drain me which is the opposite of what resting should do.

I came across this quote from this source:

The hallmark of great wisdom is not what you know, but what you know and can put to use. The globe is full of learned idiots, unable or incapable of following the wisdom they have accumulated. There’s no prize for a closet full of axioms or insights, if you leave it all in there, and venture philosophically naked into the world.

As I read it my mind got triggered and I identified myself as the subject. As one of the “learned idiots”. I might be going too harsh on myself, however, I have the feeling for a while already that I’m accumulating in my shelf more than I can put to use.

The reason for this, I reason, is self-doubt, lack of trust on myself, my head not trusting my heart or vice-versa. The feeling that I’m not ready yet for whatever endeavor comes to my mind. That may be coming ultimately from a position of comfort – the stakes on the short term are not high enough. I’m living a comfortable life so why risk improving it? On the other hand I know in my heart it is a mediocre life, a shell of what I feel I could be. I keep consuming whatever last knowledge, secret, philosophy, mindset, motivation hack, and there is no end to end to it. It’s an imbalanced life: too much consumption to less creation.

The creation process should provide me with the lessons I need to learn already, rather then learning first and creating after. I need to start humble and stop comparing others’ accomplishments to mine. I will always be lacking and stuck with that approach

It’s time to put an end on this and I trust writing will be a positive trigger for that to happen.

This is the first post of my first blog. I am not sure what will be the outcome of this endeavor. As a start I will write about what’s in my head!